I Need To Start Doing Things

This is a completely random, unorganized post. I am ok with that.

Scene I Conversations with a fourth grader

4th grader: You know I don’t listen to about half the things you say, right?
me: And that is why we never get to do the fun things. Stop wasting my time.
4th grader *gets back to work*: You’re scary sometimes.
me: Oh, good! It’s working.

me: What’s twelve times four?
4th grader: 36!
me: Really?
4th grader: Aw nah gurrrrrl!
me: …
4th grader: Burn! *tssssss sizzle sizzle!
me: …
4th grader: 48.

Scene II In which that guy still doesn’t have his party pants on. I wonder if he ever feels naked.

He will be very, very glad when October is over so I stop telling bad jokes like:

What did the three vampires order at the bar?
(Three Bloods and a Blood Light!)

What do you call it when you have snakes on your windshield?
(Windshield vipers!)

What do ghosts eat for dessert?
(Ice cream! Ice cream… I scream… get it? ahaha!)

Who won the zombie race?
(No one! They were dead even!)

Why did the octopus cross the road?
(To prove he wasn’t a chicken!)

And he will be even more pleased that I stop making him tell me a joke as a goodbye instead of just saying, “Bye!”

Scene III In which I embody the life of a pseudo-adult

In other news, the most riveting part of my life since my last post has included the following activities: laundry, cleaning my room, loading the dishwasher, and balancing my checkbook.

Scene IV As seen on the internets

• This food is horrifying
• Gambling with Civilization
• Found: Pre-Viking Structure
• What state do you belong to? Kirsten is ecstatic about this. She’s been blowing up my phone with Colorado pictures in an attempt to woo me into moving. It might be working.
• Costume help

*Dead Air*

On Thursday I dragged a friend downtown. He’s lived in Houston for something like 28 years and has never been to the Central Library or the Heritage Society. I took him on a little tour of the Heritage Society’s indoor galleries and then we went on a tour to some of the houses (the NRC, Staidi, Kellum-Noble, and San Felipe houses). Then we walked to the library and I played library tour guide.

I think that sums up all mildly interesting things that have happened this week.

My first articles for Thesis will be published probably next week. I’m excited and nervous. I’m glad I have an editor (thanks, Terri!) who can make time for me even though she’s in high school haha.

As Seen On The Internets

Dog Girlfriend vs Cat Girlfriend

The illustrations look a little too much like my mind

Travel Bug. I’m feeling a little sick with this staying still thing.

Europe in 2022

Neil Gaiman on Literacy, Libraries, and Daydreaming

Warning: May Be Educational

Today I feel like this.

Today’s debate with dad was over the difference in usage of may and might. I had written a sentence that read, “…had heard it may be subjected to…” and dad was all, “It should say might because it’s past tense. I don’t remember the exact rule but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with that.” So I looked it up. Then I fixed it.

May

• outcome is likely
• present tense

Might

• outcome is less likely
• past tense of may
• use when writing about negative outcomes, even if it’s in present tense

I’m still slightly fuzzy on this.

And that is why I dislike modals.

We also briefly discussed the difference between a geometric mean and an arithmetic mean.

Arithmetic mean

• Given A= {a, b, c}, the arithmetic mean (we’ll call it n) n = (a+b+c)/3
• always greater or equal to the geometric mean
• determines average value in a data set

Geometric mean

• Given A = {a, b, c}, the geometric mean (we’ll call it g) g = √abc     [that’s supposed to be a square root… not sure why it looks like that)
• estimates average growth rate with time variable rates, which is basically a fancy way of saying, “Investment bankers live by this.” (compound interest with variable rates, return on investment, yadda yadda)

This I actually understand.

And that is why I like math.

We also discussed the fact that my roommate is very confused as to how a thermostat is supposed to be used.

• EXHIBIT A: I came home one 80 degree day to a heated house. As in the heat was on. I assumed this was a tragic accident and said nothing.
• EXHIBIT B: I came home one mid-80 degree day and the air was off. At least the heat wasn’t on this time. I assumed my roommate was an idiot and asked him why in god’s name he would turn off the air in this temperature. “I thought it was cool enough to turn off the air.” was his response.
• EXHIBIT C: Last week we had a couple night that it actually got down into the lower 60s. There were several nights I woke up in the middle of the night because I was freezing, not because it was cold outside and I lack proper insulation or because I’d kicked my comforter off my bed, but because he’d set the thermostat to a chilly 66.

This I understand less than modal verbs.

And that is why I will not last longer than my current lease agreement.

Tristeza não tem fim / Felicidade sim

Dear Trikki,

Today you would have been seventeen years old. I remember picking you up from the vet. I pretended I was surprised it was a dog. I sort of knew- one day when I was trying to find tweezers in my parents’ bathroom I saw another grooming kit. Shadow didn’t need two. I was still surprised. I thought maybe you’d be a big dog or perhaps a Pekingese like Mrs. Pumphrey’s dog for whom you were named. I was surprised that neither prediction was correct. I was surprised because I saw you and before I knew it you had your little tethers in every fiber of my being. You were going to live forever. You were an Olympian. I asked that you live a full twenty years, or better yet, infinitely. You just looked at me silently. I held you, amused by your giant red and green bow, and felt nothing but a warm feeling of happiness spreading from my stomach. Or maybe that was just your pee.

While you mothered Lucky, “your” guinea pig, nearly to death, you refused our attempt to get you a boyfriend so you could perhaps mother your own species (you were quite clear about your thoughts on that). While Lucky was your outlet for your nurturing side, your primal side had its own outlet. You in your tiny seven pound body chased everything from rabbits to herds of 400 lb deer. You were fearless… unless there was a thunderstorm. Neither of us slept well those nights. The only difference was that you were able to sleep all day to make up for it while I had to go to school and extra-curriculars in a sleep-deprived fog. It didn’t really matter. My annoyance was always short lived. You were too loving, too well-behaved, and too adorable for me to not immediately forgive you. Plus, you’re a dog and you wouldn’t have understood the “Yesterday I was angry because…” thing. Life is now. It wasn’t yesterday. It isn’t tomorrow. The only worries you ever had about the future revolved around food (“When will I eat next?”), exercise (“Can we go on a walk now, please?”), and family (“When will the pack return?”). It took me years and years for me to understand that simple concept. While you were potty trained, leash trained, and learned all your basic commands within a month (sit, stay, come, kennel, out, up, down), you kept having to teach and reteach me the simplest of life concepts and you never got angry at my unwillingness or inability to learn. Those lessons finally started to kind of sort of sink in when I was 25. Now I understand it… most days.

Maybe you are an Olympian. Maybe you saw that a shy, scrawny little girl needed you. Maybe you knew that it wasn’t just me who needed you. That was probably the case. Dogs know things. You drew my mom to you. You picked us, despite how us human idiots may phrase it. And maybe you are on Mt Olympus now, or perhaps Valhalla. Those places sort of run together. I’m not sure what it would be called in dog-speak. Maybe it’s just called home.

Happy birthday, puppy.

This post is (obviously) dedicated to Trikki Woo, the Mary Poppins of canines.

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Theresa: You’ll fly into Chicago, right?
me: Well, if it’s the cheapest one after calculating bus fare.
Theresa: Where else would you fly into?
me: Des Moines, but I’m looking at surrounding airports.
Theresa: Des Moines has an airport?!

Today I found out that I got the magazine job! I’m SUPER stoked! The first meeting is tomorrow. If I weren’t so horrifically exhausted, I’d probably have trouble sleeping tonight. Unless something has changed from the ad, I’ll be writing two short articles per week and one long research article per month. Dad’s reaction was, “Whoa! Do you have time for that? It sounds like you’ll actually have to work and do research and write about actual facts, unlike what the newspapers are doing.” Now I just need to dress like Rosalind Russell in His Girl Friday so I can be in proper writing attire, right?

And I have a tennis racquet now.

And I was the top seller last week in both average dollar sale and average items per transaction. It’s my first time in first place for either of those. I don’t know what I did to get there, but I’ll take it!

Today SO makes up for my utterly wretched yesterday.